Whilst I always "think" about my blog... I never actually find the time make the time! to catch up and do some writing. The last time I logged in to have some green sunshine, I accidentally deleted my favourite post and then spent hours trying to find it! Luckily, a lovely man somwhere on the other side of the world, came to my rescue and I was able to re-post it (just with the wrong date!). Don't you hate that, when you just feel so busy you make stupid mistakes when all you're trying to do it be productive, sometimes maybe too productive?

Last time I checked in we were at Week 4 of the Michelle Bridges 12WBT, we are now at WEEK 10!!! It's gone so quick! We've got 3 weeks to go until Round 1 is complete. Due to injury & illness, I haven't trained since Week 5 and as you can imagine, when we don't train, we don't eat great either!!! So needless to say, eating and training went well and truly down the gurgler but I still managed to lose weight. You may say "that's awesome", "congratulations"... but it wasn't good at all. I was losing weight with the bad habits I joined the 12WBT to get rid of! Throw some stress in and you have my body's magic recipe for losing weight; eat crap and stress! Whilst the number on the scales was decreasing, I was getting more and more dissatisfied.

I joined the 12WBT to lose weight in a ways I could be proud of and in ways that required hard work! I'm one of those people who at times can eat loads and loads of crap and pull a good number on the scales! I always counted myself lucky for this until I recently experienced reaching my GOAL WEIGHT with little effort! I stood on the scales at Week 8 and my "magic number" appeared (well I was actually lower than my goal weight!) It was SO dissatisfying. I was really annoyed that I'd reached my goal weight because I knew that the ways in which I'd acheived it were not the healthy ways I wanted to live my life!

Then Easter appeared... and OMG! I ate plenty of chocolate, didn't train and you know what... I gained 600g at Week 9. It was the most satisfying 600g of my life! I was heavier than my goal weight... my body has given my a second chance! A second chance to take the 12WBT by the reins and get to my goal... MY WAY! In ways I can be proud of; eating 3 regular meals & 2 snacks, drinking loads of water (thanks to Judy for the reminder SMSs) and getting back in to training! I feel so grateful that my body has given me this opporunity, so that when we turn up at the finale workout and the finale party (watch our Plaza Ballroom, we're a coming!!!), I can be proud. I can be proud of my journey from start to finish... I'll always know that there were 5 weeks were I slipped off the rails but the best, most satisfying knowledge is that I picked myself up. I picked myself up and my body gave me a second chance. A second chance to live the life I want to. A second chance to embrace the opportunities that life presents but most importantly, a second chance to trust myself and believe that I can achieve!

I'm not saying that I'll never 'slip off' again, I have no doubt I probably will because that's life... but I've done it once and I can do it again. I can dust myself up and pick myself up each and every time I slip. Each and every time I do this, allows me to learn and keeps me heading in the right direction. You never know, sometimes when we do slip, it might purely be because we were heading in the wrong direction. Our slip ups might be actually more than that... it might just be the universe's way of saying... "hey, you think that's the direction your journey should be taking but I've got other ideas"... you just have to believe that where you are right now, is exactly we're you're supposed to be. And if you don't like where you are... make some changes and see what happens. That way you know you gave it everything you had with no regrets.... you never know... you might end up somewhere wonderful....

49 days later...

I really need to check in on my blog more often and remind myself of what I've written, particularly my last post! So it's been 49 days since that post and I'm happy to say I have NOT taken one photo! I've decided that clearly that "goal" isn't important for me at the moment and that's OK. We take photos on our phone quite regularly so that will just have to do for me now, rather than pulling the SLR camera out and trying to get the "perfect" shot and worrying each day that I must get a photo to represent today. That's an added pressure I don't need at the moment!

The 12WBT is coming along and the Facebook group I created is now up to 116 members! It's crazy to think that the group I started (hoping for 10-15 members to hopefully catch up and train with) has gathered momentum and this number of ladies! We're up to Week 4 (tomorrow) of the 12WBT and so far all is going OK... Week 3 (this week) was a hiccup for me; back injury put me out of training, old eating habits crawled back and self-doubt set in. So instead of dwelling on this as I would normally have done and continued this old eating habits, I've spent some time thinking about how they crept their may back in... I need to train. It's a pretty simple thing. I need to be physically active and energised to keep my mind in check and to allow me to enjoy the most of what life has to offer. Training also encourages me to nourish and look after my body so that I can cope with my training and feel the best! Needless to say, I'm looking forward to a ripper Week 4 and actually really looking forward to not having another piece of chocolate! I'm sooooooooooooo tired from eating crap and not training that I can't dig myself out of this hole quick enough.

I'm not sure I would have come to these conclusions as quickly as I had if it wasn't for the wonderful women I've met through Facebook. Whilst yes, this social media avenue is sometimes used for not very nice things, but I would like to disagree that it CAN be used for good rather than evil and my 12WBT group is evidence to this. We comprise of women from all walks of life, some with families, others not, some young, some more mature and the list could go on about our differences but the one thing we have in common is we want to change our lives; we want to change the way with live our life, the way we treat ourselves and the way in which we give ourselves the best opportunities of living life to the MAX!. I sometimes feel the "pressure" to hide my faults and failures (eating crap!) from the group, as being the "creator" I feel like I need to have all the answers and be a role model for these ladies... but then I'm not being honest with them. I'm not saying to them "hey... I might not have the greatest amount of weight to lose, I might be skinny... but you know what? Skinny girls still have battles to fight as well!" Just cause I don't have as many kgs around my tummy, doesn't mean that my head feels the same". So, today... I put it out there; I put it out there that I was struggling, that week 3 had got the better of me... and you know what I got in return... SUPPORT! That is all I got. Pure, non-judgemental, encouraging support... and for that I will be forever grateful. I will be forever grateful for these women... who I created the group for to assist them in changing their lives but in the process, whether they know it or not, they're changing mine.